NAZIS…at the center of the EARTH!

I know we haven’t posted much in awhile, but that seems to be because I’m now engaged.  My fiance is an English woman who’s short and foreign.  I don’t know if you know where that is, but it’s across the ocean!

The reason that this makes any sense is because she’s pretty sure I’m xenophobic when it comes to Germans.  Which would be true…but the nazis are always trying to come back and have a thousand year reich.  I think the documentary NAZIS AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH goes along way to explain my fear of Germany (and the Dutch, because they’re blond hair and blue eyes – and tall) 

This movie has all of my weird, WW2 fantasies, nazi fears, and UFO’s. I mean Nazi UFO’s, and Antarctica? What else is missing, I ask you??? Nothing! I mean there’s weird conspiracies on the internet about the Thule Society, nazis and UFO’s in the south pole.  I love all that shit. 

Regardless it’s got Jake Busey!!!! It’s got a reported $80,000 budget too.  How did they get such star power as Jake, it must have been the strength of the screenplay (or they’ve blackmail pictures).     The budget shows with the after effects CGI.  However, Nazis!!!  UFO’s…stay tuned for my orgasmic review of Iron Sky in the near future.

The strengths of this movie are the fact it’s based on Wolfenstein 3d, at least Robot HITLTER! It’s also got one of the sickest (in recent memory-sans Human Centipede 2 and the castration scene in season one of Spartacus) death scenes I can remember.  It has the removal of a brain from a skull whislt the patient’s still alive. It shows the eyes flicker as the last of he stem’s pulled out. 

This movie’s shitty for the most part, but it’s got JAKE FUCKING BUSEY! and ROBOT HITLER and UFOS!!!! so I guess it’s not a complete waste of your time.  Come for the brain surgery, stay for the decapiations and face removals!

Crappy Movie Night’s Premier Podcas!!!! It’s Uncle Sam, Bitches!

Our premier podcast didn’t quite go off as planned.  Eric and I had different work schedules and he lives in the midwest (it’s a third world country)  However we finally came together to record our first podcast of the movie UNCLE SAM.

Uncle Sam was a shitty horror movie that aspired to be little else.  It was fun to watch and easy to like.  It even had Iaasac Hayes in it.  It has a demented zombie-like dead soldier who kills the bad people of his hometown.

It’s got the longest potatoe sack race ever filmed!  It’s got East German Boobs! It’s got  a creepy kid!  Which means it’s an instant classic.

Eric didn’t do much talking for the first ten minutes or so. For that I apologize.  We’re still working out the kinks. Here it is.  Next time we’ll put in sound effects.  However I just wanted to get it out there.

Enjoy and please comment!

Uncle Sam actual podcast attempt

Podcast??? Hell’s yeah…

However we’ll be working on Italian Spaghetti Westerns, Martial Arts Films, Lugosi works and others.

Some people think the podcasts are getting a bit crowded .  I’m going to destroy them!!!! 🙂 Just kidding.  They’ve got an edge on us.

Email I received in it’s original form…

OMG how have u been? I know we havent chatted in a while! totally my fault.. this computer im using freezes all the time. i have tired ot email you a few times with no luck.. ach! sooo sorry.. so whats been up? i am finally moving near you in a couple days.. i hope u didnt forget me? its me amdison lol.. in case u DID forget, we met on ms or cl not long ago.. so im gonna be living right near you and i dont know ANYBODY OMG SHOOT ME! i have my uncle and aunt there but thats not the same.. so can u show me around? help me find a job lol.. i get there next friday late afternoon.. im gonna nee dyour cell number also..ps – im recently single too so u can take me out and show me some real fun * wink wink * hahahha! so anyways im soo nervous about moving. its a load off my back that im gonna know someone there though. so i am happy we met online hehe 🙂 I am hoping u dont have a girlfriend.. i am not a big fan of drama and stuff like that so just tell me if u do..SO I kinda think we should chat a little bit more before we meet. just to make sure we are not awkward and stuff. although i can talk forever about anything with anyone lol. u will notice that right away when we meet. so are u free friday to help me move some boxes and stuff? i hope so 🙂 since i wont know anyone maybe u could also introduce me to some of you friends? are they nice? i am cool with gurls and guys lol.. guess u could say i am bisexual but whatever what girl isnt these days..so back to YOU mister… remind me what u do for work? for fun? what are your hobbies and what do you like sexually ? we have so mucht o get ot know about each other in such little time lol! as i mentioned i recently broke up with my ex. we were together for about 6 months but there was too much drama and my friends and fmaily hate dhim. he had no job and was quite disrespectful.. was also pretty lousy in bed.. i like foreplay and he always just wanted to go right to sex.. at least get me wet first ya know? selfish idiot. anyways so i feel free again now that i am single but i do kinda miss having that special someone to cuddle with ya know? so ur probably wondering how come i am moving right? well its a long story.. basicly i am broke for starters.. add to that the fact that i need to go back to school AND the fact that i ned a fresh start and there u go.. so i am gonna move and hopefully solve all 3 of those problems, the most stressfull one is my debt. i owe 8k on my visa ewwww. also i am trying to help my sister pay off her tuition fees also so shes counting on me. Speaking of which, do you have any good hookups to help me find a job? i would LOVE to be a bartender or somehting like that where I can make tips. I think i have a good look for it plus I am SUPER friendly. so here is some random stuff about me. i love star gazing, the outdoors, porn, foreplay, massages, the internet, shopping, doing my nails, sex, cooking, and watching movies. when it comes ot guys i just want someone who treats me the way i deserve to be treated. i can be such a good girlfriend and a total freak in bed. i am up for just about ANYTHING sexually.. serioulsy 🙂 As for my current job doesnt pay that well but coming from where I lived it was my only real option. I am sure I told u about it but if i didnt i really hope u dont look down on me for it and can accept me for who i am. See I do this webcam thing where I basicly get paid to chat to people on cam and tease around a bit. I know its not the most MORAL job out there but i am desperate for money and its pretty easy money. i wanna get a real job though and thats another reason why i am moving. The job suits me cause i like tlaking to people and i am quite dirty minded so its the best of both worlds and i get paid for it hehe.. Anyways here is what i was thinking.. since my computer SUCKS and its hard for me to chat by email or instant messenger.. why dont u come chat me at my work site? i can totally get u in for free.. i have 2 free passes a month to share with whoever i like.. i havent ever given any out but i dont mind giving u one as we totally need to chat before i move. see you can login as a customer but ill give u a special link where u dont pay or get billed anything. its a special vip backdooor link… this woudl be the best palce for us to chat cause i am online all the time now trying to save as much money as possible for the move..also i will kick any other chatters out when i see u sign in. does this work for u? i understand if ur not cool with it.. i kno theres a lot of scammers out there so if u dont wanna chat there then i guess ill email u in a few weeks when i get my internet all set up in the new place. although i woudl really feel more comfortable chating wiht u before i move.if u do decide to come chat me online then u have to PROMISE me that u will not share the vip link with anyone.. for any reason.. its for YOU only baby i am trusting u.. once u sign in we can chat and u can see me on webcam also 🙂 if u have one u can go on too.. oh la la hot.. and of ocurse u wudnt pay me for it ur my friend DUH! I am trusting u not to abuse it though cause once u sign in u can watch ohter girls naked for free too and i wudnnt want that.. YOUR EyeS BETTER ONLY BE ON ME hahahahha!! unless of course we watch them together 🙂 So i am trusting u.. so u can trust me.. the link is at the bottom of the email. remember not to give it to anyone under any circumstances! i am online right now if u wanna come chat now.. its dead in here.. please come 😦 also.. u obvioulsy need a cc to sign into the site but thats just to prove u are not a minor…it says right on the vip link that its free since u are vip and u wont get billed anything.. ok im getting off here now.. im waiting for u baby. cant wait to see u and meet u and hug u and kiss u.. ciao for now.. xoxox —-> localchatcamconnect . com/free (take out the spaces obvioulsy heheh)

Scream Blacula, Scream!

Blacksploitation at it’s finest? No.

I’ve not seen the first Blacula, but the plot twasn’t hard to follow.  Voodoo cult (they consider themselves a cult in this – which goes against all of what Scientology believes) has internal strife.  Bad dude conjures up a black dracula from the Victorian Era.  He doesn’t so much as kill a assload of people.  He changes most of them into vampires.

What’s wrong with the movie?  The party scene has a white dude serving drinks (?) and positive race relations with white people and cops.  This is clearly fiction! The main male protagonist (Hint-not Pam Grier!) is a book publisher and former cop. The man jumps quickly back into his old role as a police officer and hunts down Blacula with stakes he found outside his manor.  What kind of vampire leaves fence posts on his porch?

Pam Grier!!!! Pam Grier!!!!

Ticked Off Trannies With Knives

Well, the title says it all…It’s a simple premise:

Group of Transsexual women get brutally assaulted, a couple die, by a redneck and his two Hispanic (?) buddies.  The surviving trio learns to fight (again off screen-ruining the fun montage sequences we all love).
They also have knives.  One of which is absurdly large and looks like it comes straight out of a D and D fanatic’s wet dream.

There’s few scenes of character development.  The bad guy’s upset that the hot chick he drugged and raped had a surprise waiting for him.  It’s happened to all of us, besides the rape part.  The girl in question’s the most convincing of the transsexuals.  She’s enough to make me question my own sanity/sexuality with enormous jugs.

The acting’s actually pretty good.  There’s a decent amount of humor (Cue the blond, ditzy transsexual).

The women don’t disturb me, so much as the ending.  Just the implication’s and sound effects were enough to make me shiver and cringe.  I recommend the movie for everyone!!!

The First Site I found about Bad Movies…

Bad Movies:  BadMovies.Org

This site is the grandaddy of the Bad Movie sites.  It helped inspire me to write this pile of crap I call a blog.  The founder’s also a combat veteran (A Marine, but that’s okay) with a dry sense of humor.

The movies are graded, which is normal for most sites, but it’s much deeper.  It’ll point out random acts of violence against (anything from a cactus to a dishwasher), gratuitous breast shots with the time stamp.

In addition, it has movie clips, photos, and audio recordings of the films.  It has hundreds of films listed.

I think the best thing is though, is the educational aspect of it all.  The reviews also teach you how to survive the movie, or kill a beast, or even fly planes and stuff.

Please check these guys out:

Back from a Winter’s Sleep…ONLy to bE MOre Awesome

OOPS, I accidentally just posted this with nothing in it.  I’m sweet, it’s true.

Anyways, I’ve been busy watching movies that leave a bad taste in your mouth.   Some have been covered by other groups (namely Bad Movie Podcast-they’ve been at this quite awhile longer than I have)  THOSE BASTARDS!! Check them out at:  Bad Movie Night Podcast It’s a great site. Someday, I’ll have more power than them and I will wield it with an iron fist.  When people think About bad movies, I’ll be the first name they scream during sex while crying.

That doesn’t make any sense.

Recently I’ve watched ThanksKilling, Mutant Hunt (per Bad Movie’s suggestion) and Alien Vs. Ninja…That movie was amazing…

• Alien Vs. Ninja started off slow but it touched on all of the Asian stereotypical movie traits.  The fat, coward who eats everything in sight, who’s strangely got Platinum Blond Hair in the 1500’s.  He also somehow invented a machine gun pistol.

• Hot Chick who wears leather and does all sorts of weird splits and contortions in fetish poses.  She was hot.

• The gay guy who’s flamboyant, chubby and somehow a bully.  Usually they’re just found waking up in my bed in the morning, not taunting me.
• The nameless characters that get ripped apart and eaten (one guy’s legs had the flesh stripped off which sends chills down my spine and pucker the ass.
• The main character who’s a wild card.

This makes for a boring movie until you see the Alien.  The alien looks like a cross between a Salt Shaker, Penis, and Fork.  You’ll know it when you see it.  It also shoots babies out of hits salt shaker holes.  It also seems to be incredibly fast, can tunnel through the ground??? Alien’s also pretty much indestructible.  Here’s a picture…

That photo does nothing for what it looks like.  It has goo, weird tongue, etc.

The Ninjas see a fire in the sky and it turns out to be a genocidal alien.  Boring, I know.  But it gets so much better…oh it does.  The Alien infects people with parasites that it can control (see messed up ninja army)  One of the characters finds himself having an entire forearm shoved into his throat to pull it out.  Meanwhile every other ninja with it gets their livers ripped out because they’ve attached themselves to it.  He just happens to survive, of course.

Anyways the movie meanders around for awhile.  But it climaxes in a massive fight with Swords (yes the Alien picks up a ninja sword and starts spinning in circles like a madman).  The alien also starts firing the machine pistol like a gangster blowing the place apart.  Then the fight is taken to the  skies.

Here’s the trailer…you need to watch it, if only for the end.

MST3K

Bless that show for popularizing our favorite hobby. I just wanted to let everyone know I have a new favorite episode. DEVIL FISH.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

On the IPad

Just testing to see if the iPad app works for this blog…